Thursday, December 31, 2009

So I had these great plans at 9:30 on New Years Eve to throw together a year in review picture post.

I discovered that A) I don't have any pictures from this last year on my computer at all and B) maybe I should have thought about this a little sooner. (Like maybe during the 10 hours today I spent scanning the TV for anything [oh god please, ANYTHING] to watch, while I felt like crapola and stayed on my 02.)

So maybe my posts will help.... I blogged at least once a month right?
No? Really?

January found me sick and I landed in the hospital in SF after a terrifying plane ride. I don't care who tells you it was "lovely and calm", she lies.

February found me still in recovery mode from being sick. It also was the start of kidding season.

March it was back to business as usual. Our last kids were born by the 2nd of the month and we lost our herd matriarch, we came very close to selling the whole herd. I fell on my ass and bought 8 chickens in the same month. I must have hit my head when I fell.

April, wow I am a really dull read. *tap tap* Is this thing on? Feed changes, doctors appointment and the start of show season. Oh and work....

May we lost a friend, went to a couple goat shows, finished our first doe, and it rained. And work....

June we hauled the kids out of the yard, reaffirmed the fact that I HATE Purina feed, and made plans to go to a long show out of state.

July we went to said long show out of state and had a great time. Bringing home a crap pot of ribbons helps. Oh right... and work.

August I posted NOTHING all month. Wow. You people are still here? Right. Only because I'm stuck in your feed reader huh? It's ok, you can admit it. Well I know we had our fair. Drama, blah blah blah, same BS different year, good judges though. I saw my DR and he wanted me to drowned myself for good health.

September we lost a close friend of my husbands unexpectedly from a heart attack. We also lost a former co-worker of mine from the fair. I just kept hoping I wouldn't be three.

October I lived to see another birthday but as usual didn't celebrate. Made an appointment with the lung transplant team for Nov., Greg caught a cold and shared, and I recapped all the reasons you should stop smoking.

November I saw the transplant team and got the go ahead to start having the pre-transplant testing. We had Thanksgiving dinner with my mom and got a new puppy. Oh and I still had a cold. I just can't kick shit like I used to!

December we had the trip from hell that I never recounted here (sorry) for the beginning of this testing BS. We spent christmas with my mom and Bills parents came for Christmas eve.

happy New Years Folks. I hope you all have a safe and happy new year.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

My brain is set to fry and it has nothing to do with the fever I do not have but feel like I do.

Holy shit information just flows out as fast as I try to store it. Greg and I came up with a pretty good meal plan for the next few days while we were driving home from the store. I get home to look for a tasty recipe I bookmarked (thanks Amalah!), and totally got sidetracked printing all the recipes Greg needed to update his cookbook for school. Now other than the side dish I just printed, I got nothing. Shit shit shit shit for brains.

So now I have to sit here and figure out what I was thinking of cooking, so I can make a shopping list, so I can go BACK to the friggin' store. See.... s h i t for brains.

Luckily I had plans to go to a different store to check out their meats, so that was kinda planned anyway. We would have made all the stops at once but the puppy might have eaten the groceries we already had, she has no car manners yet. And the 8lb wonder weenie likes to sit on the dash and just watch her get into trouble so she has more to sneer about. ;-)

Friday, November 20, 2009

We traveled to San Fran for the big appointment this last week and I’m not sure where to even begin to explain.

I didn’t sleep for days. I planned answers, prepared for questions, and readied backup plans. This might be one of those times when planning for the worst isn’t in my best interest. I laid awake I can’t begin to tell you how many night in the last 6 weeks mentally getting ready for this 3-4 hour appointment.

That was the fastest 40 minutes of my life. 20 minutes if that time was listening to the doctor dictate a letter to my other doctors. I’m a lovely patient perfectly suited to their program. Which means, yes, I’m in. No, I am not “listed” at this time. Which means I won’t be looking to cause any traffic accidents in the greater northern California area yet. Now we enter the evaluation/exclusion phase. I have about 40 tests to be run through. I will be poked, prodded, stuck and charted. All of that will give them a “number”. That number is my sick/healthy rating and gives me my place on the list. We might find that I’m just not sick enough yet, and we don’t find that likely.

So where does that leave this whole thing? I don’t know. I still don’t know how I feel about it. I really feel a lot like I’m just trading one problem for another. Is a possible 5 years really worth all this shit? Because look, the numbers aren’t great, 85% of patients are still alive after one year; only 51% are alive after 5 years. Yes those are averages, and averages include everyone with every disease to receive lungs, but it is what it is and those are the numbers. I am young, and as far as we know, totally healthy outside of having lungs that are steaming piles of shit. Everyone thinks I’ll go much farther than 5 years, but the reality is, 5 years may be it. Could I survive 5 years without the surgery? When is the timing right? Now, tomorrow, next week, next year?

It’s a ton to absorb. My other doctors are just happy that I’m plugged in. My PF test was up a little more, which means I’m up to 28% of normal. My lung volume should be 3.06, mine is .86. There is no doubt my numbers are beyond bad. Another spell like last January could easily mean life on a ventilator until lungs come up.

I did like the doctor I saw. He could have cared less about my time out of the “loop”, he didn’t care about my medications and felt they were all fine and working so why muck with it. All the time worrying was for nothing, which it totally to be expected. Part of me knew that, but you can’t help but be prepared, I’ve had it go the other way too. For every laid back easy doctor there are 5 hardnosed, by the book, black or white, diehards with no wiggle room. I’ve seen and been in front of the firing squad. This was not that.

So now we go from here. Where we go from here is a path I’m not sure of. But at least we’re moving forward.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Hauled hay today.
Fell through the fucking floor with a loaded truck and trailer. happy. NOT.
Had to have the tractor pull us out and board over the whole before the trailer could be pulled clear. Left rear tire all the way through the floor to the axle. Missed taking out the fender by a hair. Did not tweek the trailer or tongue, though I have no idea how at that angle. Hubby was seriously pissed. And not at falling through the floor, I mean that was expected. We're just shocked we made it this long. It was the manner in which they wished to yard out our truck, you know, the rig they DON'T OWN.

Still had to make a second load. Fucking Amazing.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

You know your day is going to shit when:

You are awakened at 7 am by the sounds of what appears to be your son puking in the bathroom. No, no, not puking (thank god, I'll shoot myself if that shit starts again)....that snarfling and gagging sound is him trying to blow his nose complete with an accompaniment of moaning and groaning.

You have a nagging feeling you are supposed to BE somewhere. You assume it's the bank to deposit the check you've been waiting on for 2 weeks!

Your phone rings and as soon as you see the name on the caller ID you remember where you where supposed to BE. *FUCK* Gah! I never do that. I'm blaming PROVO for getting us off schedule! Though I did remember to email last night to make sure it was today.... but forgot to go back and check for the answer. *Double GAH!*

This day has got to get better. From the sounds coming from the living room, maybe not so much. For me, with my el crapo lungs, having a sick child is a killer. I want to comfort him and do all the *stuffs* we do for a sick one. (Though he isn't little and cuddly anymore.) On the other hand I want to send him to the garage with a space heater and a warm blanket, setting his meals on the back steps for him while wearing gloves and a mask. *Ha*
I just can't risk catching his crud. Yet I can't just leave him to fend for himself, he's a baby still. *HA* Ok, MY baby still.

So we're off to screw up some more of this day. Looks like medication is in order. Ohhh and call the pharmacy. Good god I need a secretary.

Monday, October 12, 2009

A word of Caution

Just word of caution for all my dear friends in case you are ever in the position to wear oxygen and are still upright and capable of moving. Or a word to the wise for all my smoking friends... *ahem*

1) The 20ft hose will get caught on everything. It hurts like hell when yanked. Think reins on a horse, only through your nose.
2) It is highly annoying when some steps on it, because DUDE, it's attached to my NOSE for gods sake.
3) Equally annoying when you step on it yourself, only without the satisfaction of anyone to yell at for stepping on it.
4) Kittens will think it's a great toy.
5) They will flop their fat bodies on it and expect you to drag them through the house. *I'm looking at you, Evil.*
6) Husbands will forget about it after a while and hook their foot in it, ripping it totally off your face, and barley blink, while you are holding your nose making sure it's still attached. As soon as you can catch your breath from the pain, you can commence yelling, but the spry bastard has escaped the house.
7) You will wake up at least once a night wrapped up like a friggin' mummy in 20 ft of hosing.
8) You will learn not to roll completely over, you will learn to roll from side to side to keep 7 from happening.

I'm sure I could think of more, but these will get you off to a good start in case you are ever in this position. Which for the love of god don't be.
I'm not sure I'll be able to sleep if I ever get to retire George. I'm kinda used to him humming in the room and the hiss of the O2 in my head all night.

Friday, October 9, 2009

2 new lungs, please

Well, ok, since I'm frighteningly good at saying something significant, and then, ohhh, you know, totally dropping the ball, like I did over at LJ, I thought I should pick up the pieces here and fill in the blanks.

I have my appointment for a transplant consultation. It's Nov. the 19th, in case you are the praying or sending good karma type. This is where they decide if they'll accept me into their program at UCSF. This can go several ways:

A) You're a total fuck up and regardless of your lung function we don't feel your a candidate for transplant. The fact that I spent 10 years out of the "loop" could stick me here.
B) You lung function is low enough to qualify you, but your general health and mobility makes us choose to wait. Come check in every 3 months and we'll list you at a later date. You know, possible right before you die. Oh, and fuck you for being active and stubborn.
C) Holy shit batman how are you creeping along in life? We need to list you right away. Which, Dr Blue Eyes says, based solely on numbers is where he'd put me. It's that meet me, seeing me in person factor that screws me every time. See last line of B.

If A happens, well I don't know where to go after that, but I'm sure Dr. Blue Eyes will have a suggestion. Rest assured I will cry, bitch, and probably scream and I would recommend avoiding me like the fucking plague for awhile.
If it's choice B, well I won't be ecstatic but at least we're on the radar and if something takes a turn for the worse they can list me quickly.
If it's C then the next couple months will be a blur. In two to 3 weeks they will call me and I'll have to do a bunch of lab work and testing. These are exclusion tests. If I fail, I'm excluded. They will be checking for other diseases that would make transplant pointless. After that it's waiting time. I can't think of anything that will exclude me, unless I'm harboring cancer or some damn thing, in which case, shoot me now.

So how do I feel about all this, you ask. Lets see.....


On one hand, won't it be AWESOME to get back to the things I've been "modifying" out of my life for 2 years!
On the other hand, what really and truly scares me about the whole process; once we get past this "rejection based on human perception", because I hate that, black or white baby, period; is the surgery itself. I'm totally scared shitless they will kill me on the table. Because then all of this is totally pointless. TOTALLY. This is the part that makes me go WHOA. Right now, I may not have the best/fullest life, but umm HEY I"M ALIVE. But the other side of that is, if they don't kill me, and I come out the other side, I will have 6-10-15 years of normal living. Where normal means I don't have to fight to not only breath in but out. As Dr. Blue Eyes has pointed out, I have no idea how hard I breath. Normal people don't DO that, he tells me. To which I tell him no one has ever accused me of being normal.

Yeah there will be some major drugs I'll have to take.
But in number it will be 1% of the drugs I'm taking now. The time factored in will be minuscule compared to the hour/s it takes me to be ready to leave the house now.
Go hiking, yep. Camping, yep. Goat shows/chores, alone even, yep. Stay the night somewhere without lugging 2 machines, 10 drugs, 2 back up oxygen sources..... holy crap, yep! Not being a never ending burden on my friends and family, yep!

Is this the end all cure all? Well for my CF it is. We don't feel I have the intestinal issues, which means, for now, I'll be CF free and it WILL NOT come back into the new lungs. However, Out with CF, In with anti-rejection medication death. Right. Now I die from the transplant.

So right now I just try to get "in". In the program. On the list.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Noted in case my husband questions what we did while he was off hunting and sleeping all weekend.

  • Unloaded and restacked 1000 pounds of alfalfa
  • Cleaned chicken pen
  • Cleaned baby goat pen
  • Installed perch and nesting box to winterize the chicken coop (Hopefully my mom takes her chickens before winter)
  • Fixed a better hay feeder/grain tub/waterer for the baby goats at the house
  • Cleaned BBQ pit room and put away 4 wheeler w/ cover after husband used it and left it out in the yard for the chickens to roost/shit on. (Grr)
  • Went to dump hay/shavings
  • Did all the friggin' dishes
  • Currently soaking the milk bucket and milk jugs in soap and bleach.

Friday, September 18, 2009

I will not be three, I will not be three, I will not be three....

Yesterday my husbands "second dad" passed away from a sudden and unexpected heart attack. As we were told, he hadn't been feeling well and when his wife called home to check on him he didn't answer, she rushed home to find him unresponsive. The 911 call went out, and one of his other "kids" was the first on scene sheriff and was unable to revive him either. My husbands brother was the third to arrive and all the boys stayed with "mom" until the coroner had come and gone. My husbands BF was this man's oldest step son, and my BIL's BF is this mans youngest step son. All 5 boys (yes there is one other, in the middle age wise, step son) grew up next door to each other since my husband was 10 or 11 and his brother was 7 or 8. My husband will be driving down to spend the day with the family on Sunday.

Today I find out that one of my fellow sups from the fair died of kidney cancer. She hadn't worked at the fair for a few years now, and had been exposed last year to some sort of toxic gas and inhaled it at her new job. It burned her lungs and heart and apparently did damage to her kidneys that they didn't find until too late.

Also today I find out (no one dead this time) that my mom had a bad fall yesterday and THEN her truck caught on fire on the way off the mountain on her way to town. Her and truck are fine. Truck was/is fixed as far as I know.

I think I'll go find a rock to hide under for a while. Sheesh.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

When at my doctors on Friday he suggested I try this. He is a funny funny man that Dr. Blue Eyes. It should be noted that I have a sever phobia of having water up my nose. I have a hard time in the shower for gods sake and Dr BE wants me to voluntarily shove water up my nose. Irrigation is for fields people, not my sinuses. Upon reading the instructions, when I got to the line where it says, "...squeeze bottle until water starts to drain from the OPPOSITE nasal passage...", I just about threw the whole damn thing out the car window, freebie or not.

So it's taken me several days to man (woman) up to trying the damn irrigation system. Several of the talks went like this... "Oh it'll be fine you sissy ass, besides how will you ever convince your kid to try things he's unsure of if you won't. Oh screw you self, I've told him never to jump off a bridge if his friends do, I don't think drowning myself is going to prove any points."

So today I manned up. I had the boy ever so slightly warm the bottled water for me to drown myself with. Hey, I want to be warm and fuzzy while I DIE. Add the solution, which is really just a mild salt and baking soda mix, and march myself into the bathroom.
The directions say to bend at the waist and tilt head down, this keeps the solution from running down your throat... and you from gagging.
After a few trials and errors getting the bottle to work correctly.. it contains a straw that you hold vertical and squeeze and it shoots the water out the top... which was much easier than trying to tip my head to pour the stuff/shoot it up my nose.
Walla we had water flow from the other side! Ohh and a bonus, water shooting out my eye!

Sadly I have no gross reports of any small mine fields breaking loose in there. I'd spare you those details. No I wouldn't, really, has it been so long since I've posted you've forgotten who's writing?

You do have to clear your sinus's with a few gentle blows after you use the Rinse. And people, there was fair dirt in there! F.A.I.R. dirt. The same fair that has been over for 15 days. Identified by it's serious black color. Trust me, once you've seen fair dirt, you KNOW fair dirt. I mean really! Still? Holy crap.

I did notice that for a couple minutes when I tipped my head from side to side I would get a little water drip-age.

So the Sinus Rinse passed my test. I didn't die. My nose feels, umm... like a nose? Really it doesn't feel any different. For me this is to help alleve my allergies and maybe, just maybe, get me off the OTC decongestants that are really bad for my heart. I think it may take a few tries to break some of the old stuff we suspect is there.

But the main thing... I didn't DIE!

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Um I came home to dry chicken and overcooked broccoli. But I can home to dinner! Though it may be dry chicken and overcooked broccoli. Enough mayo and I can stomach anything when I'm hungry.

2 Am milk test. Yeah... or not.

So I'm sitting here snuffing as much oxygen as I can and praying like hell we don't have a repeat of last Thursdays AM milk test. Since I have to get up again really early on Sunday I'd like to NOT have a repeat.

Bright side.. on Sunday I can wear my 02 all the way up there if I feel the need.. or all the way home.. or the whole damn time I'm there. Because I won't be working with cows!

Saturday, July 4, 2009

I got.....


Hopefully after the show next week I'll have something to say. I wouldn't could on it though. I just don't have anything other than what's been said/done.

*Sigh* Life is truly boring.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

The dash

If you notice on a tombstone or an obituary your date of birth and date of death is separated by a tiny dash. This tiny symbol represents everything you have done in your life. The people you have met, the people you have loved, the jobs you have held, the lives you have touched.

How will you live your dash?

Monday, June 15, 2009

I rock finding a motel.

45 a night, two beds, free wi-fi, free snacks!, one free hour of long distance a day, and "if we won't be up when you check in, we'll leave the light on and the key in your room."

Sometimes it pays to just sit and make phone call after phone call. I was about ready to settle for 79+tax a night and call it good.

Lady says, we're an older motel but we're clean and the beds are new and comfortable. I said Lady, you just said the magic words! Then she said, oh and we have free wi-fi. Holy Shit, it's like a little slice of heaven!

Entries in (check)
Living arrangements made (check)
vet check arranged (check)

I'm kinda looking forward to this.. all except the eating out 3 meals a day or fair food. That I'm not looking forward to. But! We have a fridge and a microwave and there is a 24hour store a block away. OH and, if we need a place to park our trailer, No Problem, just bring it down, we'll keep an eye on it. Hello? Who gets this kind of service anymore?

Friday, June 12, 2009

Oh, and this little snippit than anyone who plays FarnTown will find humorous....

So I'm driving along the highway and look out over a feild full of... queen anns lace and think....

"Wow, their potatoes are ready to harvest."

Step away from the computer. Put down the mouse and everything will be just fine.
My back = Completely Fubared.

It took three days for the muscles to loosen enough for it to pop and relieve some of the pressure. In the mean time I took enough Ibuprofen to warrant buying the 1000 tablet bottle. We figure it'll last 176 days.

I need to go see the chiropractor and get new insoles for my work shoes, but I'm waiting for my finances to mellow out a little.

I overestimated (?) the speed at which people would send payments to me and fired off a big payment to one of my bills. This all resulted in a near disaster when another bill, which is auto- payment (and like 600 a month *screw you UPS*), went through early. *Ahhhhh*

It's all clear now. I'm just letting the dust settle for good measure.

All else is going well. I do wish the damn weather would PICK a mood. Rain... Sun....Wind..... PICK a combination for fucks sake and let me adjust. This humid shit is killing me. Literally. My lungs tighten up like nothing else the more humid it is.

I"m going to a fair in OR and figuring the best way to swing the *OMG* motel bill. A #1 first reason why being on O2 at night SUCKS ass. I can't camp, saving myself tons of cash. No, no I have to pay 100 a night to sleep in a crappy bed which might as well be the ground so I can have power. Now I could take my neighbors generator, but I think the fair campers would kill me in my sleep for keeping them up, no matter how quiet that thing is.

So there you have it. What I'm doing this summer.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Crap, so I've been a little absent. I blame Crackbook and that time whore Farmtown.

And the goats. I've seen alot of my goats. And cows. Lets not talk about the cows, m'k?

But today. The head it pounds. (I had to re-type THE three times, OMG)

What was I saying? Oh yeah, the head... it pounds. Nothing so far is touching it.

Today's todo list included
  • hauling the kids to the property and removing their little (yeah NOT) asses from my yard and worming them. (DONE!)
  • packing and shipping milk samples from the 1000 cows I've seen in the last two days (Packed but not shipped yet)
  • getting some pig feed (DONE, epic FAIL)
No where on that list is a pounding headache. Please NOTE that!

A note about the pig feed; EPIC FAIL. I stopped to pick up a bag since Sarah pointed out that taking the heifer grain out of my mix (thanks feed store guy for being out, AGAIN) I was losing protein. Shit! So, knowing she's (and others) have been feeding it with success I though this might be a good quick fix. On the way hauling the goats I stopped at FF to pick up a bag. I never shop there because they carry a brand of feed I think sucks and which my goats normally won't touch. (First clue) Oh, and they are horribly overpriced and 90% of the employees are idiots. But hey I was pulling a trailer and it was easy to get into.
And really, it's pelleted pig feed, how bad can P***** screw it up?
Apparently enough that my goats would rather STARVE that TOUCH grain that has touched pig pellets. I mean literally. They wouldn't even sift through it and pull out what they liked.
So I threw some in for my kids to see if they will eat it, ha.. they don't know any better, if not, ummm Sarah you want to see if yours will eat it?
I'm not sure if it's the brand or the product itself. I'll have to try another brand once I figure out what to do with this 50lbs.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

That was alot of cows.

I don't know why they insist on doing this to me but we averaged 88 cows an hour overall, BUT the first two hours... we ran through 110 cows an hour.

I was really glad to see those big heavy milkers come in the barn with the grade A string. It's like having a really nice break. It takes a long time to get 65 pounds of milk out of a girl.

Thursday, May 7, 2009


What sad sad news. Our longtime friend and the reason we have dairy goats lost her husband on Tuesday. We lost the doe we got from them, who started all this madness, in Feb. Her husband got sick in Feb and lost his fight this week. We have kept in sporadic contact for the last 7.5 years. We always see them at shows and catch up. They were a lovely couple, and she is a nice lady.

When I heard I immediately sent her an e-mail and prayed she hadn't changed it since we last talked. I told her how sorry I was, but that now I knew Peaches had a great tender until we could join her ourselves.

She e-mailed me right back. Asking about Peaches. Offering us her togg herd. Which I hands down offered to take. So much for downsizing. So funny what people find comfort in. A quick conversation about something totally unrelated to the tragedy at hand can be like a little break in the storm. So it looks like the Peaches clan will reign again. Not that they don't already. I did have to ask to not get anything to closely related to Abra, Peaches' mom, since everything I own can go back to Peaches, with the exception of one doe and her two kids.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

The nice thing about waking up early is I get so much done before I would even normally be UP.

I woke up an hour before my alarm went off and by the time it did I already had all my paperwork done, the milk samples ready to ship, my meds taken, blogs read, and babies fed. Right now it's just about the time we would normally go to milk and Greg is loading the car so we can go milk and then get feed.

And this weather could make up it's mind for fucks sake.

I mean I'm ok with the fact it rained. We did need it, it dried out way too soon for my liking, but 1.5" in a DAY... people.. NOOOOO we did not need to go from 0-60 in .50 sec. And yeterday? Fucking Lovely.... where was I? In a barn with 636 of my closest 4 legged friends. At least they are calm pretty girls to look at. *sigh*

Today I want to catch 2 yearlings (goats) because we have a show in a week and they are wild as hell... and the weather can't make up it's mind. Rain or Sun.... hummmm lets keep them guessing ALL morning. I mean it is only 8:40 but sheesh people I don't have ALL day. Well ok actually I do... but SHHH.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Red letter day.

Clipper blades are back
Registration I applied for on Sat is back
Paycheck was sitting here with I got home

And I found a milker to cover my goats while I'm out of town to show at Red Bluff. So now I think I'll show both days. Sarah?

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

For Sarah-

Found a feed suplement and am just starting on week 2. So far so good and the goats LOVE it! Rice bran pellets. 12.9% protein and 11.2% fat. I'm seeing a start to slick and shiney already. That's saying something for how hairy those toggs are.

Some lady may be calling you, I gave her your number, she's looking for brush/pets. She's the lady who's boers I had for a while, she's safe.

End this message where I was too lazy to open my e-mail program.


Monday, April 27, 2009

It's so much easier when it's just an update.

Yet it still will take me all year to get around to it.

I think I'll be seeing pedigrees in my sleep tonight.

Now on with the picture taking and loading of those, because really? Some of those goats are 3 years old for gods sake. I should have a freakin' picture by now.

Yet this keeps me from what I really don't want to do and that's unpack my shipping boxes.

Monday, April 20, 2009


Wow I should come around and dust a little more often. Sorry for the absence. I just haven't had a lot to say that I haven't said already. Just been doing the same ol same ol.

Been feeling better-ish. Every day is different. We did have to take me off one of the drugs they were hoping would be a huge help for me because it actually made my breathing worse.

My last dr's appointment went about how I expected. I'm marginally better but there is no room to really gain much with the amount of permanent damage to my lungs. As in, there is no mucus to clear out to gain capacity, my lungs have rotted away similar to emphysema without the total hardening. I have major inflammation and that's what we are trying to find a happy balance with.

In three months we decide which (not if) transplant team I'll be joining. I'm hoping to be able to stay at my current hospital. However in these economic times it seems unlikely they will find the grants they need to start their unit as they hoped. So it looks like I'll join UCSF and at least get hooked up, it's not that they'll put me right on the list, though my DR thinks that shouldn't be a problem. I'm a prefect candidate.

Frankly the thought of the transplant doesn't bother me at all, I'm rather looking forward to new lungs, but the switching doctors. OMG! I'd rather eat nails.

So there you have it. It's starting into show season, on one of my busiest working months, and I'm totally unprepared. I also don't want to run myself into the ground. I rather like breathing, though it is fairly overrated.

This years kids have me wanting to pull my hair out. They are all very nice and I can't pick just 5. I think I'll toss their numbers in a hat and draw. I think i can chalk this season up to a success. *knock on wood*

*because I said that they will all die in the heat. 100 on my front porch in the sun. screw this!

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

For the record

  • two down two to go and this week will be over
  • I do not recommend land diving
  • my ass is fine but my elbow shoulder and neck are killing me after my little swan dive onto the pavement. *of which I got not a SINGLE freaking bruise that I so truly diserve, yet spanking my dog for YET AGAIN whining at the chicks and pawing at their cage caused my thumb to swell and turn black because I caught her dog tags with it.
  • I tried to "help" on friday at a dairy after i took a sample I dipped and turned out a cow, not realizing they had tied up her machine. To do this the wrap a rope from one side of the machine up and over the cow to the other side of the machine, it helps stop air leaks and helps keep the machine on small teated cows. The result was a cow backing out while wrapped up in hoses and rope, oh yeah, with me in the middle. Eventually something gives, usually the hoses slip off the machine and whip around. Did I mention I was in the middle of this? I got a nice hose beating for my trying to help. OHHH and a bruise from THAT!
Karma made me her bitch this week. And here I thought I'd been being so nice lately. *Hum.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Annoying is taking as many meds while "well" as I do when I 'm sick.

It's very hard to stay focused and dedicated to the program when you never catch a break. I do the same things now as I did while I was sick. Only then it was recovery and now it's maintenance.

I find myself having to really TRY to stick with the program and not say "Oh hell I feel fine today I don't need to take/do....."


Ever heard the saying "As many _____ as Carter has pills"? Yeah only when I was saying that to myself this morning it was As many....... shit, as many pills as Carter. Shit.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Rate of gain this week for the babies is 33.5 pounds. That's 3.35 per kid. Still no complaints. Shoot one of these kids is already 28 pounds at 3 weeks. OMG! HUGE!

Happiness is NOT having a "hunting" hound and 8 baby chickens.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

I should be shot.

That is all.

And not in the "if I was a horse I'd shoot me" way either.

More in the "what in the hell was I thinking" way.

Monday, March 9, 2009

As promised I looked up my bucks averages from last year to see if these where just doe throwing bucks. (a handy fact to know if you are pushing semen sales).

But alas, they are not. Last year the two of them were straight up 50-50 bucks to does. Many bred to the same does as this year.


BUT. I buck I sold to a fellow breeder made the young sire list for 2008 for ADGA. I hope she uses him!

Grr... the fact that the horoscope in the newspaper I read this AM and the horoscope on their web site don't match pisses me off. Today's was totally fitting for what I was talking about yesterday.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Information to Sleep by OR Why my doctors hate me

So this might be the vary reason my doctors really hate to deal with me. It is a curse and a cure all at once. My attention to all the details makes them thankful, because I notice every little change and we can catch the big nasties quickly, yet that can cause anxiety for me and I'm sure them to with I didn't have their phone numbers.

So here is another example of my detail nit picking;

We have 10 babies born last week.

Since last Saturday they have gained overall, 488 oz. That's 30.5 pounds overall and that's roughly 3.05 pounds each. I think that's a good rate of gain since we like to see, what Sarah, about 10 pounds a month each.

These babies are fruit cake for hay. Grass hay thankyouverymuch that alfalfa shit is for horses or cows. I saw them eating hay as early as 1 day old and these 10 have already plowed through a whole flake. We have to modify a hay feeder for these little piglets. I think we'll need to add grain to their diet soon.

But not today. They all have sore shoulders and ears and a headache.
Shots, tattoos, and disbudding was on their menu for today.

Oh yeah, I can feel the love. Or not.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Black Tuesday

It's taken me until today to feel like I could write this. We suffered a HUGE loss to our goat family on Tuesday. Frankly it's a loss I'm not sure we can collectively recover from. In fact, even though its been a couple days I'm sitting here bawling like a baby just trying to type this up. I haven't even been back to the property since she passed. I'm not sure I can face them. Not only are we lost without her, so are they. There is a power struggle there as they fight for the queen spot. The natural second in command is totally lost without her mother and constant companion since she was born. She's never been without her mom.

And we've never tried to continue on without Peaches.

For 7 and a half years this doe has been a constant companion to my son. She's been his friend, confidant, source of comfort, constant shadow. She's been everywhere with us. Every move, every show, every kidding.

We don't own a goat that isn't influenced by her genes and for that I am eternally grateful.

She was strong and powerful and kind and a bully all at once. She could pout like no other. She hated to go to shows but trudged through them as long as Greg was at her side. S

Sometimes we made her look like an idiot.

And she never cared.

And sometimes they looked great.

The field will always be empty without out you PooterButt. No one will ever fill your special spot, not only in our hearts but in the field or the herd.

Rest in Peace Elk*Mt*Farms Peaches. 3-3-01 to 3-3-09.

Thank you for your final gift to us of healthy twin does. Know we loved you and will always miss you.

Monday, March 2, 2009

And then it was over

Our last kids for a long time were born today in the "break" in the storm.
Today equaled 2 does out of my favorite black togg doe (one black one), and one big black (Grrrrrrrrr) buck out of my ober.
We are officially done. I'm really not counting the one (or two) that are left because they were OOPS breedings.

So, that makes 12 kids, only three of them bucks. My buck rate is only 25%. I can handle that. My kid rate overall was way down this year, but that's good and manageable, so I'll take it. (Like I have much choice?)

I'm going to look back to see, but I think my togg bucks overwhelmingly make does. My togg rate is 9 does 1 buck. That's like 10% bucks.
I'm going to go look and see what those two bucks' rate was last year.
My ober buck is batting 0. 2 kids, 2 bucks. :-( No ober babies for us this year.

More on my rate when my husband isn't being all bitchy that we need to go milk, whens dinner, have you seen then timeeeeeeee, whine..... WHAAAAAAA. Oh man I can NOT take 2 more weeks lay off. I might KILLLLLLLL him. Really. Dead.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

There is a general rule with my herd of goats. We all stick together.

And they mean with EVERYTHING.

Take this morning for instance;
Since early this AM 6 does have kidded out 9 kids. Only two of which are bucks. Peaches (twin does), Charlotte (peaches daughter, 1 doe 1 buck), Shoshana (peaches granddaughter, single [black?] doe), Jade (totally unrelated, single doe), Capers (Charlotte daughter, peaches granddaughter, twin does), Shikari (unrelated/ different breed, single HUGE ASS buck). We only have 2 does left to kid, another Peaches daughter and one more of the other breed. Both have milk so? Anytime is my guess.

We call this 0-60 in two-point-two-seconds.

So lets go back to the fact that all of the "Peaches clan" are kidding together, which means in my mind they must be cycling together, is this genetic? Based on birth date?

Peaches and Charlotte kidded at EXACTLY the same time last year too. Not sure how that worked since they were bred to the same buck... Oh wait, they were this year too.

Frankly my bucks were damn busy 148-154 days ago.

Shohana has a very small udder with a tremendous amount of milk. For a first freshening first milking udder. VERY SMALL. Like.. I'm not even sure where that milk is coming from, her udder must be internal....small.

Jade has a very nice first freshening udder. I wish there was more GOAT here. She's short and short and WOW there is alot of HAIR on that goat! Her dam was short and short so it's not a great suprise but her sire was LONG and TALL. I'm not sure that part of her growth problem wasn't ME, so we'll see how this kid turns out. She and her daughter are my only purebred does left.

Capers I'm glad I kept one more year. Last year her udder was crap. This year her body has deepened, her udder is very much improved and smooth smooth fore. Well for now, I find that when they are first fresh their udders look great, and then the edema and swelling subsides and your left with Ehhhh.

The others arn't first fresheners and I know what to expect from them. Peaches will pout that I took her kids and stop milking in exactly 4 months and we don't care because as you can see from above we like everything she puts on the ground. Charlotte will milk like a cow and milk until I tell her to stop, but since this is the first year I've taken away ALL of her kids, she's going to bitch at me very single step of the way. She's also a little slow coming into her milk. Her udder was not full of colostrum like I was hoping. She's usually my reserve for the freezer. Shikari is milking very well and so far has a really nice udder for her breed. I'm not unhappy at all. She also reserved her spot in the herd for another year since she gave me a buck.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Something I never do

I e-mailed a company and bitched about their lousy service. And by lousy I mean they are a catalog company with an on-line catalog, and they couldn't answer their phone so I could place an order. Never mind one of the items I was ordering I had to call in as per their WEB page instuctions!

So I went with another company for all the items I was ordering and paid about twice as much for it, BUT they were there to take my call.

Monday, February 23, 2009

No babies for us yet. After feeling a few udders that looked tight, I think we have a while. So that means tomorrow there will be 5 new sets. That's how we roll around here.

The barn is raked and then swept so we are some what ready to milk goats again. Bill is working on getting me a baby pen in the garage set up for little babies.

We made a list on the door of all the projects we need to work on while he's off.

No work this week, no work next week. What? Two weeks off in a row... and I"m not in the hospital... wow.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Rosetta Stone Part 1

So here is how Unit 1- Lesson One went.

I did the lesson first, which is a good thing because the instructions for each section are not very clear. It's possible if I had sat through that whole long introduction to the program part it may have been explained it there, but I tuned out after 10 minutes of hearing about the "total immersion system".

Lesson one equaled about 30 minutes. You go through 5 different parts... pronunciation, grammar, spelling, writing, .... and others. There is a lot of repetition which is GREAT. You will see the core Lesson One words in different ways, spoken and writen, at least 50 times. You will repeat those words back to the program prabably 25-30 times.

They introduce a word by speaking it and showing it over a picture of the item, then you match the spoken/shown word to a matching picture. You do that for several different items, in this lesson is was about learning girl, boy, lady, man. They then toss in things for those people to do, in this lesson eat, drink, cook, swim, run, and write. Only they don't tell you straight up BEBEN=DRINK. You have to figure that out from the picture and probably getting a few questions wrong. This I found frustrating.
You are also asked to speak the word/phrase into the microphone and it grades your try. In the pronuciation section it breaks the words down into parts and grades your trys. NA, then DA, for swim. (yeah I didn't know this was swim either I thought it was the word for nothing) I was fine with this section til the word CO-ME. I was about to toss the laptop into the street over the CO part. It wanted a short gutteral CO almost like a cough. That was totally un-natural for me.
When my son sat down to the computer for his Lesson One I sat and watched him because I knew he would have questions on the HOW TO end. Like when it says Una Nina (pretend that has a ~ over the n) and then pops up this blank window and then it waits. And if you didn't have help you'd be like... okkkkkk now what. Which is exactly what he did. This is where you repeat the word to it and it DINGS or BONGS.
There is also a audio companion CD. So far it's listen and repeat. I'll let you know more about it after we move on.

So far my cons are only that if you are using a computer with a touchy touch pad or one that likes to randomly lock up you will lose parts of your lesson and take a hit in the score department. It does grade you. This irriated my son no end. When we got to the end of his lesson one we realized it lost two sections of his lesson totally so he will have to retake those because this is for his school. This happened to me also but since I know I did take the section and passed it at the time, I'm not retaking it.

I'll update again after Unit 1-Lesson Two.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Rosetta stone so far rocks. We can have different users so I set myself up a user name. I did the first part of the first lesson and it's pretty good.

Baby goats should arrive tomorrow.

Sarah... I will take you up on that offer. I may not have the stamina to clean out a hard kidding. I'm knocking on wood I don't have any of those... ROFL.

Yes Mandy looks like one of 4 LOL.
Awww. I got the sweetest anonymous comment yesterday and it made me feel really guilty for avoiding my blog.

Yes, avoiding.

Because how much talk about my nasty poor health can 3 people stand. And two of you talk to me in real life so you get the story TWICE. At least parts of the story twice. Because really, here I only highlight things. That's because I'm a horrible writer and I know it.

So here is the basic update.

I've been home for just shy of a month and have another ripping lung infection. I am back on a different antibiotic, pill form. The inhaled one I take daily is a heavy duty one, but it's only for one specific infection and this is probably not a flare up of that one. We did order, and I was able to produce, a sputum culture (mucus from lungs) to see what I'm growing. Again. So quickly.

We know that the reason my lung are in this bad of shape is because the last year I've had reoccurring infections going that weren't treated heavily enough. What we didn't realize is how fast they were reoccurring. Normally I wouldn't have seen the signs of this infection coming like I did this time because I wasn't ever in as "good" of shape as I was coming out of the hospital.

Good... that's relative I hope you know. I can be off my 02 during the day. As long as I don't DO anything. I am by far getting stronger all the time. I unloaded a huge amount of my stress yesterday because I just can't make a commitment too far in advance. I'm even afraid to say, HEY next week lets do something... because I hate to cancel and change plans, that irritates me and I never know how I'll feel tomorrow let alone in a week.

My pets are fine, my cat is still lost, my goats are due to kid any second, my husband is about to be laid off again, my son is recovering from the flu/bacterial gut infection, his school is going well, my mother is still coming weekly to help clean my house, and it's sunny today.

Is it odd that my dog, the long hund, seems to know when my lungs are getting worse before I do? She isn't a really clingy dog, but shortly before I notice I'm "sick" she starts clinging to me. Like VELCRO. Like right now she's so close to my leg she might as well be UNDER my butt. Well ok, thigh.

Ok the teacher is coming. We are getting Rossetta Stone Spanish soon, I hope it's here.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Nothing to see here.... move along.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Home again Home again... jiggity jig.

So while I was forcfully removed from my normal living exsistance I wrote up a little journal with the intention of boring you to tears with it. I can't bring myself to torture you like that. Arn't you glad!

So you'll get the foot note version.

Into hospital with a lung capasity of .75L.
Out of hospital with a lung capasity of 1.46L. That put me at 39% of normal or right below the "can live a normal life" line. The good thing is that is without a breathing treatment. We are guessing that I will range in the 41-45% with treatment. 40% is normal living.

Into the hospital with so many infections they couldn't figure out where to start.
Out of the hospital with one that I will have forever and will be on the treatment every 28 days to control.

Out of the hospital with less drugs or regiemes than I figured. They are varied but not un-doable.

Home from the hospital on room air! Oxygen only at night and to excercise.

Home from hospital on Jan 30, only to relapse BADLY on Jan 31. A few frantic phone calls and my DR said if in 6 hours I wasn't markedly improved I was to go to the ER and make them call him, he was afraid on the trip home I had popped an air sac and was leaking air into my chest cavity.

New meds for over the weekend and rest rest rest.

Today Feb. 5th is the first almost normal day I've had since I got home. I have a all the meds in from shipments that I was waiting on. My new vest arrived today (you ever want to try it AD you can come anytime, it's rockin'
for airway clearance). I did say I would never own one of these rotten things, but I have 30 days to decide if it's helping or not.

I'm not sure how long it will be until I'm up and ready to work full time. Right now we are schedualling everything for weekends so Bill can cover me without having to reschedual people if for some reason I can't do it.

The ups and downs are daily right now. I'm sure soon they will be weekly then hopfully monthly then maybe yearly.

I'm schedualed for a 3 month check up in SF. After that we'll determine a longer term medication plan, meaning we may actually peal off more of these drugs (thank god, we're at $6000 a month now), and we'll plan farther out checkups. Blessedly though my nurse is only a phone call away and she ANSWERS her phone. *Gasp*

My dad and I are debating whether we should buy our own plane, invest in cal-or, or write it off as "will never happen again". Between us the flight people have gotten 60K in the last year.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Miss me?

Guess where I am. No Sarah you can't guess you have the answer.

I'll give you a hint. It involved white coats, airplane rides, and more white coats.

Oh yeah we're in San Fransisco. I'm at Cal Pacific getting a much needed tune up.

The lungs are in bad shape. The heaviness I've felt for ages in my left lung are cysts. Those may never gop away and they harbor infections in there. When the infection in my lungs get bad those swell and the sensation I feel is heaviness. I do have damage in both lower lobes that may be irreversible but all those things things I've said I KNEW, I did know. The damage is from long term infection being harbored in my lungs for years.

Best case is that we can kick the infection and that will reduce the swelling that is making me unable to breathe. I will gain back my lung function and I will go along like a GOOD girl and keep in touch and working with a CF doctors and you all can read my ramblings for lots longer. You know without lifetime o2.

I do have to say thanks to the 4 of you that have stuck through all my rambling emotional distress. When you are surrounded my doctors that are a bundle of negative you tend to drag down with them. The doctors here aren't like that, and while this is major, everyone is totally positive.

So ready to get scared.
My lung capacity as of today is .89L.
HEY WHAT?! That's UP from yesterday, which was .75L. Normal for my size is 3.0L "Normal" for me is about 2.0L. So I'm at like 1/4 of my normal.

So here is where I am. Unfortunately my computer will leave with my husband tomorrow. So no regular posts, sorry. I will probably be here for at least one week more than likely 2.

Please keep me in your thoughts. I'm thinking I'm doing ok. I'm totally feeling better than how I felt before I got here.

Oh and I still hate to fly. EWW..... That flight was great they say, flat even. Pfftt... felt horrible to me. Of Course I was strapped a gurney.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Answer me this... because I can't get the internet to tell me which means I'm not asking it the right questions.

If the barometric pressure is rising that means it's going to......?

Rain or Sun?

I always look to see what it is.. but never think to remember what it was. IE Oh looks it's nice and at 30.5 but what was it while it was raining.....

Oh sure I could probably dig back through and find the answer, but I bet one of you loverly readers know that answer off the top of your head.
HI it's me! Not Dead yet.

What? You look disappointed?


So mornings suck still. But then they have sucked for years so that's really nothing new. I spent most of yesterday off of the oxygen and did ok, you know, not doing anything. Today I spend most of the day off the oxygen and have to work.

Wish me luck.

I still can't quite bring myself to leave the house without hauling George with me. Panic sets in and all. I think I'll have to break myself into short trips once the dust has settled after this little round of roulette.

I must be sleeping again as I woke up before my alarm this morning and didn't feel like I could crawl back in for the rest of the day. I do know I'm not getting up over and over at night to clear my lungs.

I don't think twice about getting up and walking from my computer to my bedside now, with or without oxygen. We're talking 10 steps both ways, but last week it was a monumental task. This week, a blip on the screen. For that alone I'm sure my son is eternally grateful.

Bill started on days today. This will either go just fine or next week the neighbors might be wondering what that smell coming from the garage is.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Ok I'll bite. Which is harder marriage or motherhood?

I find marriage to be harder. Motherhood is a piece of cake for me. But marriage I find a pain in the ass. I blame being raised by a strong single woman. Don't take that as I don't love my husband. I do, mostly. Just kidding. I just find it really easy to say, FINE pack up and take your shit somewhere else. Because if my choice is dealing with your, nasty attitude, condescending mouth, general crap, mental issues, anger management problems, my choice is SEE YA. I CHOOSE for you to be part of my life. I don't NEED you here. There isn't a fundamental part of me that has to have you here. I can change my own oil, fix my own pipes, mend my own fences, fix my own flat. Are those things easier with you here, sure. I'm not dumb. My husband was raised by a mother who 'needs' her husband. She can't do XXX because only he knows how to.
I was raised by a mother how did it all herself because she had to. There was no one to unclog a toilet or fix a broken faucet at our house. I tend to run like that.
My husband has gotten much more used to that. He even now "gets" it. He doesn't always like it, but he's so much better about just getting it.

Besides he can't fix a faucet anyway.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Not dead yet.

Still bawling at the drop of a hat. Oh look, like right now, just mentioning bawling. What a frickin' wimp.

I'm trying to take a break from my oxygen. After the panic attack yesterday when I tried to leave home without it, I felt FINE, I have to come to some sort of terms with this. Or really, my life is over. No I'm not trying to be all melodramatic. Really think about all you know about me. If I can't do those things, those on the go things, what do I have left. My life as I know and love it would be over if I'm tied to this, or any, machine all the time. I just don't know if I can do that.

I looked into hiring a full time employee yesterday. I thought I had someone in mind but she went and got a real job with critters she likes instead of smelly cows. LOL. Anyway turns out I can't afford the workman comp anyway. (1600 a year! for less than 80 hours a month OMG) I may have to hire someone through a temp agency that will cover those costs. Bill said one of the people he knows hired a family member though one, which means I should be able to pick someone and then go in and say I want to hire XXXX. I have to do something to keep this thing rolling exspecially with incoming doctor costs.

And yes I'm working on getting to the city this next month. I got the referal number into my doctor and went to call him yesterday and forgot he closes early on Friday. I also applied for a PAP (precribtion assitance program) for people with Cf that it looks like we might actually qualify for. Considering some of the drugs used today for my lungs are, are you sitting down? Ready for this.... $4600 for 28 days! I'm already on drugs that are running us about 400 a month.

On a side note.. anyone want to drink this water for me?

Friday, January 9, 2009

If you dont hear from me for a while it's because I'm tired of saying OHH I feel better... OHH I feel worse.

Fuckit. When I'm dead there will be a notice. If I get better I'll be back.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Cuz all the cool kids did it. I wanna be cool too.

Your Word is "Fearless"

You see life as your one chance to experience everything, and you just go for it!

You believe the biggest risk is being afraid and missing out on something amazing.

Sometimes your fearlessness means you're daring. You enjoy risky activities.

And sometimes your fearlessness means you're courageous. You're brave enough to do the right thing, even when it's scary.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Cow or Corpse

Ok an update because I hate when I read someone blog and they're all "hey went to the hospital" and then there is nothing for days and you're all, did they die? OMG should I send flowers, call, e-mail?

So the prednisone did as it's supposed to and opened up everything and I can breath. I even went for 2 hours this AM without oxygen. Am I up to working, no. Which is why I left Bill and Sarah at my job while I'm home re-oxygenating.

So I'm totally upright and breathing and probably smelling like a cow again, which I'll totally take over smelling like a corpse. We're shooting for avoiding that one for a while.

I'm into death avoidance.

But. I am supposed to drink 80 oz of water a day. Do you know how some people consider alcohol the devils liquid. Yeah I consider that water. I LOATHE water. It is nasty. Luckily Bill found me some flavored water by Nestle that isn't sickeningly sweet and I can sort of stomach it. Luckily all liquid counts like soup broth.Coffee and sodas count but also are dehydrators themselves, so add 2 take away 1. 80 freakin' ounces, that's like 3 friggin' quarts. Who the hell needs that much hydration? Yeah well, apparently me. "It keeps the mucus thin and flowing." So yeah for mucus leaving. Can't the make a pill for that shit?

And you can probably tell my mood is a little better. Getting a full nights sleep and being able to breath in anything more than small gasps at a time is a HUGE improvment.

Oh, my oxygen is annoying me. That's a good sign, means I'm getting too much. I'll be happy to turn it down a little again. Down from 3 yesterday to 2.5 last night, to 2 right now. 2 is my normal overnight dose. So being back down to 2 would be hopeful.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Shit. On a stick. That pretty much sums up how I feel.

Hospital was totally unproductive other than to be told what I already knew and get a few prescriptions that may or may not help. I took a good long nap to make up for all the sleep I didn't get last night sitting up trying to breath. I'm dehydrated.
I'm trying desperately to figure out how to keep testing my herds while not testing my herds. Make sense? Oh good, now can you explain it to me? I'm hoping to hire someone and then step into a management/ shipping/ paperwork role. At least until I can get to the city and find out exactly what my options are from a doctor who has a fucking clue about CF.
Yeah the doctor today who told me I was having an asthma attack, he can kiss my ass.
I'm waiting to hear from on doctor about the referral I asked for to go see said doctor in the city.
I'm sitting here crying on and off and that's not helping my dehydration.
I'm shocked at the call from my dad today. I'm even more shocked when he called back. Why does it take me being at the end of my life span for him to try to be there? I'll take what I can get.
I'm just not ready to die.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Well I made it to 2009. 2008 did it's best to kill me and failed. If I die this spring, we'll still blame it on 2008, m'k. You all remember that because, well I won't be here to remind you.

I spent all day today on oxygen while sitting in a cow barn. #1, not fun. #2 not productive.

In fact on the way home I came very close to just going to the hospital. If this doesn't give a little I'll probably be there by the end of the week. Nothing I'm doing at home is helping alleviate the issues.

Oh fun, winter again.