Saturday, January 17, 2009

Miss me?

Guess where I am. No Sarah you can't guess you have the answer.

I'll give you a hint. It involved white coats, airplane rides, and more white coats.

Oh yeah we're in San Fransisco. I'm at Cal Pacific getting a much needed tune up.

The lungs are in bad shape. The heaviness I've felt for ages in my left lung are cysts. Those may never gop away and they harbor infections in there. When the infection in my lungs get bad those swell and the sensation I feel is heaviness. I do have damage in both lower lobes that may be irreversible but all those things things I've said I KNEW, I did know. The damage is from long term infection being harbored in my lungs for years.

Best case is that we can kick the infection and that will reduce the swelling that is making me unable to breathe. I will gain back my lung function and I will go along like a GOOD girl and keep in touch and working with a CF doctors and you all can read my ramblings for lots longer. You know without lifetime o2.

I do have to say thanks to the 4 of you that have stuck through all my rambling emotional distress. When you are surrounded my doctors that are a bundle of negative you tend to drag down with them. The doctors here aren't like that, and while this is major, everyone is totally positive.

So ready to get scared.
My lung capacity as of today is .89L.
HEY WHAT?! That's UP from yesterday, which was .75L. Normal for my size is 3.0L "Normal" for me is about 2.0L. So I'm at like 1/4 of my normal.

So here is where I am. Unfortunately my computer will leave with my husband tomorrow. So no regular posts, sorry. I will probably be here for at least one week more than likely 2.

Please keep me in your thoughts. I'm thinking I'm doing ok. I'm totally feeling better than how I felt before I got here.

Oh and I still hate to fly. EWW..... That flight was great they say, flat even. Pfftt... felt horrible to me. Of Course I was strapped a gurney.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Answer me this... because I can't get the internet to tell me which means I'm not asking it the right questions.

If the barometric pressure is rising that means it's going to......?

Rain or Sun?

I always look to see what it is.. but never think to remember what it was. IE Oh looks it's nice and at 30.5 but what was it while it was raining.....

Oh sure I could probably dig back through and find the answer, but I bet one of you loverly readers know that answer off the top of your head.
HI it's me! Not Dead yet.

What? You look disappointed?


So mornings suck still. But then they have sucked for years so that's really nothing new. I spent most of yesterday off of the oxygen and did ok, you know, not doing anything. Today I spend most of the day off the oxygen and have to work.

Wish me luck.

I still can't quite bring myself to leave the house without hauling George with me. Panic sets in and all. I think I'll have to break myself into short trips once the dust has settled after this little round of roulette.

I must be sleeping again as I woke up before my alarm this morning and didn't feel like I could crawl back in for the rest of the day. I do know I'm not getting up over and over at night to clear my lungs.

I don't think twice about getting up and walking from my computer to my bedside now, with or without oxygen. We're talking 10 steps both ways, but last week it was a monumental task. This week, a blip on the screen. For that alone I'm sure my son is eternally grateful.

Bill started on days today. This will either go just fine or next week the neighbors might be wondering what that smell coming from the garage is.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Ok I'll bite. Which is harder marriage or motherhood?

I find marriage to be harder. Motherhood is a piece of cake for me. But marriage I find a pain in the ass. I blame being raised by a strong single woman. Don't take that as I don't love my husband. I do, mostly. Just kidding. I just find it really easy to say, FINE pack up and take your shit somewhere else. Because if my choice is dealing with your, nasty attitude, condescending mouth, general crap, mental issues, anger management problems, my choice is SEE YA. I CHOOSE for you to be part of my life. I don't NEED you here. There isn't a fundamental part of me that has to have you here. I can change my own oil, fix my own pipes, mend my own fences, fix my own flat. Are those things easier with you here, sure. I'm not dumb. My husband was raised by a mother who 'needs' her husband. She can't do XXX because only he knows how to.
I was raised by a mother how did it all herself because she had to. There was no one to unclog a toilet or fix a broken faucet at our house. I tend to run like that.
My husband has gotten much more used to that. He even now "gets" it. He doesn't always like it, but he's so much better about just getting it.

Besides he can't fix a faucet anyway.