The part I didn't say

So I was totally afraid to jinx myself earlier so I refrained from daring to say I've been feeling almost back to normal.

I worked back to back this week and while I am tired, I am not dragging my ass and having to ask for help to finish the job.

I still get really dizzy and suffer from vertigo really badly. However a few non-drowsy dramamine and I'm better.

I do wear out easier than normal still. I really thought I'd screwed myself up last week when I was gogogogogogogog all week, but I rested all day Sunday. I still have a really full week this week and it could all land on it's face tonight, but so far so good.

I never know what to say when people ask me how I'm doing. Right NOW? This second? Or in general? Because that scale is HUGE.

I am really having the hardest time with the pulmonary hypertension. I'm REALLY hoping (though unlikely) that it will pass to at LEAST some degree. I can control it with blood thinners but I am still having trouble with lung bleeding. Damned if I do, Damned if I don't.

Yeah ok, so weekly updates aren't happening either. Last week went by like if the length of was a nanosecond. I was left on Thursday feeling a little/lot like a dog chasing it's tail, only my tail was much too short. And then I jumped in the car and went to Woodland, CA. Those are 5 hours of my life I will never get back. My husband studied for his test on the way down while I drove...and drove... and drove. It's really not too long of a trip (5hours) or an ugly trip (well I-5 isn't anything to brag about) but I just went there last month. The one thing we did see was a hilarious road sign. I'll post a picture we took of it on the way home later this week.

This week entails getting all my work done is two days so that I might spend the rest of the week getting ready to travel to a goat show this weekend. Yesterday and today, mil test. Tomorrow; ship milk, DR's appointment, livestock meeting, arranged phone call about show. Thursday; possible finishing clipping, packing, cleaning, putting trailer back together after it hauled a cow. Friday; pack up and get Sarah and go. I'm hoping to be on the road leaving around 3. I know that's super early for her. She's more the head out and pull in at the last minute kind of girl. I just really want to be all the way into Red Bluff by dark. Which is like 7:30. I always plan for the worst with the best possible outcome. If I break down... someone will be able to get to me to help without it being too dark/too late/ too wet/ too cold/ too hot... whatever the case may be. We all hope to never break down or have a problem and that road sucks monkey nuts, but it sure beats the hell out of the alternative.

In other news; oh hell I don't have other news. All I've done for the last week revolved around cows, cow milk, cow feed, cow poop, cow people... I'm on cow overload.

Today blew chunks.

Monkey Suckers.

Ever feel like you're chasing your tail and can't catch the god damn thing? Yeah.. so about today...

I leave in the morning for Woodland. I'll be there for 2 days. I am not ready to go anywhere. My car is full of shit, my laundry isn't done, my dog needs a bath, hell I need a bath, I have to run errands in the morning; all while trying to leave by 10 am. Screw me.

OHHH and OHH joy. I have to haul my sarcastic, foul mood-ed husband with me. Yay me! My son even bailed on the trip. A chance to SWIM.. and he's staying home. Chicken shit!

I am supposed to milk test twice next week and I only managed to call one herd tonight. Crap. Crap. Crap.

I'm going to bed.

*Check* This week sucks.

So the last few days have sucked in a large and grand way, and it is totally and completly unrelated to my being sick. Oh sure that's been touch and go too, with a trip to the DR on Friday for something new and exciting to try.

However on Thursday my Uncle was killed in a car accident on the Highway. An accident I drove through the middle of only minutes after it happened and said to my mom, Wow I totally recognize that truck. Yeah ya think? Roger was married to my mothers sister for ten years or so. My dad remained close to him and we ran our beef cattle on the ranch for years. I think stunned is a good word for how we've been.

Then yesterday I'm sitting waiting for G to be finished with his star testing when I get a call from Bill.
"Where are you?"
"In Eureka, why?"
"Walt collapsed and Barbie is asking for you."
"Whaaa???!!! Me? Umm... headed that way."

Ok, back story. Walt works with Bill at his mill. They've been pretty close. I've met them a few times and we always hang out together at company crap and tend to end up together if we are at the same place at the same time. She's outgoing and loud and he's an old hard core biker dude. You couldn't help but like them. But these aren't really people we "socialized" with much. I wouldn't have thought to call Barbie to go out to lunch with ya know? Not because she wouldn't be fun to hang with, but because she wouldn't immediately into my head.
Not only did she ask for me, she couldn't remember our number so she called the mill and asked them to send "Billy Bobs" wife.
So I went. Because that's what you do.
If she wanted me to be there I was going to be there. All I knew was that he'd collapsed in their driveway. I assumed heart attack and hoped for the best.
I walked into the family only waiting room in the ER just as they told Barbie her husband was dead. They just closed on their new house, their first together, on Friday. They were moving in when he collapsed. Barbie had no idea what to do. So not only was she grieving and blaming herself (which we got stopped!) she had no clue how the process works. She had to deal with the coroners office and an inquest, which they do with all unexpected deaths, which could have hit her either way, and she took that right in stride. She opted for an autopsy since the DR was only 80% sure it was a massive heart attack, it could have been an aneurysm which runs in his family. She also donated his organs. Over 60 people will be helped with skin graphs alone. By the time anyone close to me dies I'll be an old pro at this. A G said on Monday... "Death just doesn't bother me anymore."
We're/they're having his memorial on Sunday in Eureka. The other is Wednesday in Ferndale.

This is a shitty way to fill up my social calender.

Today equals fever and pain. I'm so fucking happy I could shoot myself. Fever? I think it started yesterday. Of course I separated does last night so I have to go milk this morning. That's ok I'm headed to Fortuna to have the chiro work on my back because OUCH! I think something in my shoulder is pinched and I have no driver. Lucky me. Bill made plans to help someone else this morning. Crap! If you live in the area I would stay off the road between me and Fortuna. I feel that crappy. Oh, it's ok. I"ll be fine once I crawl to the car.

So I can't win for loosing right now.

I want to lock in a few of my heavy milkers to increase my take home amount but can't do that with all this RAIN. I don't want to lock them in and thus limit the amount of available shelter.

I have my remaining bucks locked into one side of the barn (see post yesterday) so I could watch them and so I can check over their pen before I put them back in there. I shot them full of everything I could think of last night, or rather G did, just to be on the safe side. I'm pretty sure it was bloat.... why I'm not sure or maybe why now? They've been on the same feed for 3-4 years, but each bale is always different so this one must have been hotter. I refuse to turn them out until I trim their hooves either. I'm just not sure I"m up to that job. Volunteers? No? Hum, woosies. I'll let the kids hack at them and then I'll clean them up when I'm feeling better again.

Speaking of how I'm feeling. SCREW this weather. I was feeling better. Life was good. Then April Showers hit and I feel as crappy as my puppy's breath smells. As seeing as her breath smells like cat ass....see where I'm go with that? I'm supposed to have a pulmonary functions test on Thursday... HA that will be a joke. Oh and my lungs? Totally bleeding again. Pisses me off. The one thing that makes me feel better, a single Advil every 4 hours, can't take. Makes my lungs bleed like their made of swiss cheese. I'm supposed to be able to pick up a prescription of the inhaler I lost today, that should help.

I have some work to get finished up and G has school work to do. Oh what fun.

fuckshitdamnhell

today started off with a "bang" and I totally don't mean that in ANY good way.

goddammit

I'm going to go get lunch and shoot myself. Ok maybe not that last part.

If my husband says ONEgoddamnedWORD about needed to "cut back" the goat number EVER again in his LIFE. I will hand him is balls in a little TINY glass jar.