Friday, January 25, 2008

My mind is tired. Tired of making anything make since. That's kinda what happens when the o2 is low alot of the time. Everything gets a little foggy. Words are blurry and fuck man don't expect me to remember jack shit. Oh and I also feel a little numb around the edges from time to time. Like my jaw line or my knees or sometimes my rib cage. Literally around the edges.

Ya'll be really sick of hearing me say this shit until this gets sorted out. It's a total pain in the ass and frankly it's constant.

So here's the vicious circle as it stands right now.
My heart rate is sky high. Pulse rate of 110, resting. (normal is in the 70's for reference)
My heart rate is so high because my heart is pumping blood REALLY fast to try to get O2 around my body.
My o2 is low because my lungs are clogged with a bunch of thick goop thanks to my piss poor genetics.
The medicine to clear my lungs makes my heart rate skyrocket.

I'm completely dreading kidding season.
Tonight I'm taking the meds. If my heart explodes at least I wouldn't have drowned.
Have I ever mentioned that my life long fear is flying. Have I mentioned why? Because since I was a really small kid I've had one reoccurring nightmare. I'm in a plane that crashes over the ocean and I drowned. I used to think this was based from the fact I can't swim very well.
I'm beginning to think maybe it's a glimpse into my death. It's likely I'll die from congestive heart failure. I'll drowned in retained fluid filling my lungs. Flying=medicated.

Ehh who knows. Just a thought. You're welcome.
This in itself has nothing to do with the really odd dreams I've been having lately.
Like last nights dream where there were goats everywhere. I was taking care of someone elses dairy herd. Yet some kids (K and M P to be exact) where in a hay loft with me and some girl named Sara (who looked like A M). Sara knocked a bale of hay out of the loft onto a goat hitting it on the front end. "Breaking" the goat. It was paralyzed....nerve damaged..... broken neck. Anyhow I was standing over the goat holding it up (like I can pick up a full grown goat like that)... and my phone rang. Thank god.

Ps. Mandy.... A N was down the street from A M visiting with "he who lives there" this week. A M says she didn't think she went in but they were out in front talking for quite a while. Man i hope she isn't doing that again.


MOL said...

I hope not either. She called today, but of coruse didnt mention it at all. Go figure right? She says she's still with B. Maybe she was picking something up?

jen said...

I'd hate for your heart to explode - that would be one less blog for me to read! :)

sarah said...

If it's any consolation, my biggest fear ( even since I was very small) was drowning, and I am a super good swimmer.

I sure hope you fix your problems. Baby goats.....
If either of us liked hugs I'd give you one.

Fogspinner said...

Sarah--- Hey you're still here, I thought you'd be gone skiing already. And Thanks!

Jen- Yeah no kidding and do you have any idea how much peroxide that would take to get the stains out. I'm just too lazy for that.

MOL- SO that's where the story gets odd? A M's sister K said she was pretty sure she was still with B also. Who the heck knows? It's like a really bad, B rated, foreign soap opera without dubbing.