Monday, March 24, 2008

Add a big ol' check to the "feels like shit again" column. Yeah so it's a good thing I'm going back to the DRs today because I feel that crappy. Bleeding, wheezing, thick head. SHIT. All the crap we had under control is back. Can I mention I hate this shit?

Sarah took a picture of me... holy hell! Gaunt much? I don't remember looking like that when I look in the mirror. Maybe I should look closer, for longer than 30 seconds.

Sarah's little ranch market went very well. She created a great outlet there. All I did was sit and point, much like all I do anymore.

On that subject. Sitting and directing is fun for awhile but it gets old fast. I'm not really a sit and delegate kind of girl. I like to have my finger in ALL the pots helping a little everywhere, all while holding down my own thing.

==================Warning Whining Follows===============
I can't hold down my own things right now without help and I hate that. The frustration and the stress is getting to me. I want my life back. I'm done being sick. I've surpassed my tolerance level for being weak. I'm tired of G having to do way more than his fair share because I'm too damn weak to walk across the house much less wrangle goats, even the babies. I want to be able to know I can do my job, alone if I have too. My body just isn't pushable right now. I push and the fucker pushes back. I've always been able to push through a job. I might feel like hell tomorrow but I can get through today. I can't always get through the next 10 minutes let alone the whole damn day.
I hope this Dr can do something today. I can't deal much more with waking up with a head that's going to explode, bawling because I'm getting neurotically stressed, waiting for the next shoe to drop.


sarah said...

1.You really don't look that bad, I think that pic is just a bad angle.
I've got another of you and B. And of course if you'd cooperate with picture taking....

2. I hope you didn't feel obligated to stay the whole time ( although of course I hope I made it clear how much I appreciated having you and G there..).

3. I think I'm cooling things with M, so if you need help, please, I owe you about a billion.

4. Please get better.

Jen said...

I don't know you that well, and I've only been reading your blog a short time, but as I read your entry today, the first thing that came to my mind is that if your body is pushing back, stop pushing it.

I don't know if you can, but take the time to just get better.

Anonymous said...

You need to chill and let everyone help you out, just relax and let your body get well.. Your pushing it way too hard.. We all get sick and we all need help sometimes even when we don't want to admit it. The consequences of pushing yourself like this is not pretty, please just let yourself chill for a whole week and you'll be amazed how much better you feel.. Find something to do that requires no thought, no work, no mental strain, no anything, something you enjoy and can do in your sleep.. like, shit I don't know, knitting I guess .. be well!