Ouch ouch double ouch!

Well my appointment on Monday wasn't so good. It was a little like meeting with Dr Doom. The gist of the conversation went a little like, well it's been a good run but there isn't anything we can do see ya bye.

To say the least I wasn't in the mood to really talk to anymore for a few days because, well, Duh?

And then on Tuesday I started the new antibiotic Dr Doom and Gloom prescribed and had a HUGE reaction to it. My hands just about fell off. Ha! You think I'm kidding. They were on FIRE and swollen up like stumps. After a shot in the ass and a prescription of antihistamines they were feeling better by last night. But holy hell today they ITCH again. But I can drive now and my fingers almost bend into a fist and I can feed myself.

I had to call Dr D&G yesterday because, well obviously THOSE pills weren't going to work. And apparently I tapped into Dr Happy and Perky. He was very sorry I had such a bad reaction. Only after he gave me a ration of shit "I thought you said you didn't HAVE any allergies?" "Didn't think I did, smart ass." He wants to start me on a dose of a CF only drug, but it's HUGELY expensive and he's working on finding a way to fund it. It's 30 days on and 30 days off, only it's like 280 a dose and you take 2 doses a day. I think I'm going to push for a sputum culture first. Most of what I've read states it works best for a type of infection I haven't had and I'm past the age to really susceptible for it. So for now this one is on hold. Instead he put me on another expensive, but at least "affordable" drug I'll pick up today. It's probably about 200, but it's for 10 days! Thats like 20 a day man!

Today was our first day of a long term ISP or homeschooling through a school. We started the day by dragging his desk out into the living room. G got right to it and in a hour had a good chunk of his weeks work finished. Right now he's outside enjoying some "PE" time. So far.. ha ha... it's a big difference seeing him studying something he enjoys. While the "guidelines" for 6th grade are the same... IE they ALL have to study Ancient Civilizations, world science... you don't HAVE to study them all in one way. G choose to go old school with his history choice, but had the options. He didn't choose old school science but rather a plan that would allow him to be more hands on. Today he was creating maps. He's also studying for his STAR testing which will happen next month. He has Spanish lined up to take in May and we may both take it at the college this summer if there is a class, his will be paid for through his school.

So I'm off to send off a couple buck kids to new homes, pick up some meds, pick up two more kids who will leave this weekend, and try to work off these jitters that the prednizone shot yesterday has created.

Add a big ol' check to the "feels like shit again" column. Yeah so it's a good thing I'm going back to the DRs today because I feel that crappy. Bleeding, wheezing, thick head. SHIT. All the crap we had under control is back. Can I mention I hate this shit?

Sarah took a picture of me... holy hell! Gaunt much? I don't remember looking like that when I look in the mirror. Maybe I should look closer, for longer than 30 seconds.

Sarah's little ranch market went very well. She created a great outlet there. All I did was sit and point, much like all I do anymore.

On that subject. Sitting and directing is fun for awhile but it gets old fast. I'm not really a sit and delegate kind of girl. I like to have my finger in ALL the pots helping a little everywhere, all while holding down my own thing.

==================Warning Whining Follows===============
I can't hold down my own things right now without help and I hate that. The frustration and the stress is getting to me. I want my life back. I'm done being sick. I've surpassed my tolerance level for being weak. I'm tired of G having to do way more than his fair share because I'm too damn weak to walk across the house much less wrangle goats, even the babies. I want to be able to know I can do my job, alone if I have too. My body just isn't pushable right now. I push and the fucker pushes back. I've always been able to push through a job. I might feel like hell tomorrow but I can get through today. I can't always get through the next 10 minutes let alone the whole damn day.
I hope this Dr can do something today. I can't deal much more with waking up with a head that's going to explode, bawling because I'm getting neurotically stressed, waiting for the next shoe to drop.