Russian Roulette

Russian Roulette with my health baby. How to keep life fun and entertaining.

That's what I've been doing the last couple days. I'm sick to damn death of feeling like shit all the time. TIA'S - shmee -I-a's this shit needs to stop. My heart is giving me huge amounts of trouble. Not racing but beating very very hard. I can feel it flip flopping around in there and can actually watch it beat when I look at my chest. So because it's struggling to move blood my limbs starve for oxygen which makes them weak. Which makes it very hard to do my job which, you know, requires WALKING.

SO here is my latest change. I'm using the drug the DR gave me in the inhaler because even though it's been making my head loopy, it works really really well. I stopped using one type of short acting inhaler and started using another because I'm not positive it wasn't creating the loopy head... it's hard to tell with so many being used in a day. Today should sort that out. I also stopped using my O2 at night. I personally think it was making the afternoons worse. Again, today will tell. My body was getting used to a certain level of o2 during the night and then "starving" for it during the day. I have to live with what level I have, so suck it up muscles, what you get is what you got. Oh, and I'm taking something to thin my blood again. I'm sticking to ibuprofen because when it wears off... so does it's blood thinning qualities (or so says the DR). I noticed a difference already with that last night. No pounding heart when I would walk from one end of my house to the other or roll over in bed or stand up or put on my sweatshirt or talk for 30 seconds.

Oh and Greg is sick again. Cough, fever, snot, lots of snot. Guess Bill gets conference duty alone today. When he's sick I wish we had one of those lives you can jump off of when some one gets sick. But there are babies to feed and goats to milk and dogs to let out/in. Oh well. We'll get through it.

Today I have to make a phone call. I've been putting it off for 2 weeks. Ha.

• Awww. I have a friend who's blooming. It's nice to watch.
• I have goat like that too, we called her a late bloomer.
• Bill had to take a night off work last night to help me do my job, which sucked.
• So yeah, I suck. My heart sucks. My breathing sucks. This whole deal sucks.
• I am expecting calls from another new client.
  
• I knew if I held on long enough my business would take off on it's own.
  
• Nothing advertises like word of mouth, good or bad.
  
• Now I hope my body will hold together to keep my business together.
• I need a new lap top.
  
• Good thing with that is I can actually hire another tester if I want and be able to send them out with their own computer.
• Bad thing is cost.
  
• I'll have to stop procrastinating.
  
• The new medicine that makes my head squishy works like a dream. I slept great last night. Only it is still making my head squishy 16 hours later.
• Bullets are cool.
  

I have my first case of true mastitis in a milker. It's NASTY too. I've had high SSC and little stringers, but this was true thick nastiness all the way through, much like milking butter though a straw. Or similar to what I cough up, only chunkier.

My health is truly up and down. Each day is a whole new ball of wax. Some days I'm usless as tits on a boar hog and others I feel fine.

Last night was a trip. I felt like I couldn't inhale all the way nor could I fully exhale. My chest was heavy and under extreme pressure. I was lying there not sleeping with a horrible headache when I actually felt the pressure lift. It was a totally odd feeling. It lifted and I could breath freely. Then I got up and took some tylenol for the headache. That was about 5Am. I slept till 11. Totally unheard of for me. But I needed to sleep. I was/am totally behind in that category.

I'm trying to talk myself into a new laptop. With all these mounting bills I find it hard to say... OH sure another new "thing" is a great idea. But man I really need it for the business. It is a write off...

Not to panic. I am still here.

Alive is good.

Kidding season has passed here. We have one lone doe left to kid and frankly I'm not even sure she's bred. I actually disbudded doe kids last weekend and this weekend will finish up what's left.
Boy am I glad that's over. If I was feeling better this would have been perfect. I think I'll shoot for this again next year, only I plan to be healthyish in Feb of '09.

The cardiologist must have drawn a blank becuase I got the refural to the neurologist. I'm putting it off. Ok... collective gasp, groan, and bitching now... I do want to know why I had those TIA's don't get me wrong. The fact that they may just be a part of life is becoming more and more likely. And right now, this moment, I'm swamped under with bills.
Yes we have insurance, but 20% of thousands and thousands (it's up to 3000 and we haven't even started getting my bills yet, that's from G's migraine research)of dollars is still more money than I have. I just can't see adding another Dr. and another test to the mix when I'm not sure how to spread out payments to the 10 or more doctors, labs, techs, and facilities I've been to in the last 2 weeks. Should I mention about the adoption fees that should hit next month too?

So now you know where I've been the last few days. I'm trying really hard not to let myself be totally stressed. Next month, I test alllll my herds except one and I'm not sure how well I feel up to it. But it really doesn't matter, it must be done, or I'll never be able to pay these bills.

I'd be happier if I had a dairy.
9 bucks /15 does with one doe left to kid.

Today with help I got all those showing horn buds, disbudded and it wrecked my lungs. Too much smoke I think. Next week we'll finish up those who just didn't have enough to go after or were too young and tattoo all these stinkin' doe kids.

"It's been rumored that I died"

This last week will officially be called either;
A) 101 ways to freak out your friends and family
or
B) The week I almost died.

Count all your fingers..... (hopefully you came to 10) That's how many TIA's I'm up to this week. I'm good during the day, it's at night when we have trouble. So sleep.... not so much. I'm tired and bleh during the day mostly from the lack of sleep I'm sure.
My lung is still filling up with blood at night but it stopping much much faster now that I'm not taking any blood thinners. (Duh!)
I cannot stand up or sit up too fast or I either have a TIA or almost faint from vertigo.
The antibiotics are making me a little sick to my stomach right after I take them but it doesn't last long. I'm not supposed to eat after I take them for an hour... or rather I can eat as long as it doesn't contain iron, calcium, or magnesium. Which leaves what, exactly?
My desk looks like a drug store puked on it.
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I picked up a new client (Thanks Sarah!!!). This is possibly the worst possible time to pick up a new client because I feel like ass and my concentration is about <> this long. However, I'm not in the business of turning away business and I don't plan to feel like ass for much longer. Hear that???? I'm done with you! Ha. Yeah, like THAT will work.

I have baby goats hitting the ground in a firestorm. 12 kids born since Friday night. Every time we go out there at least one more doe has kidded. Today we came up with a new baby goat identifying collar. This happens every single year and every single year I'm sitting here at kidding season with my head up my ass. There is one problem with a "color" based breed. Every damn kid looks alike. So when there are 12 and you have a nurse maid, thief of an old doe who steals babies.... they have to be marked ASAP.
So we took white duct tape. Cut 11" pieces and folded it in half lengthwise onto itself so it is no longer sticky. Since pen doesn't stick to duct tape well without rubbing off, I wrote on it with my tagging pen and then took a piece of clear tape and sealed it on. Wala, numbered collars.
Bill also mentioned he has 6 buck kids spoken for and I have one, plus my regular buyer will take all that's left. It looks like all of this years buck kids will have good homes again. 5 milkers to sell and we're good to go.
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Greg has to write thank you notes tonight...from Christmas. Holy hell.. late much?

Driving some people nuts

So sue me, I'm the queen of self-diagnosis. Drives a few of my friends bat shit crazy.

I tend to pin down a problem long before a DR can, and I'm usually, freakishly correct. So while reading up on TIAs this weekend (My DR is really going to wish this had happened during the week and I didn't have all weekend to read up on this.) I see that anemia can be a cause of stoke. Makes since to me, since I've had trouble on and off with anemia for 16 years or more. Less red blood cell means less o2 being shipped around my body to the ol' organs, you know, like the brain?

It's the first thing I'm having my DR check me for tomorrow. If we can come up with a reason it drops that 10% chance of having a serious debilitating stoke in the next 3 months to less than 2%.

I have shit to do for the next 3 months for gods sake, and sitting around worrying when the next shoe is going to drop isn't on the list.

Anemia would explain quit a bit over the last few months, exspecially once I read up on it more. Low iron was what I thought.... but it's so much more, and I won't bore ya'll with it. :-)